CONFLICT IS A GOOD THING

CONFLICT IS A GOOD THING

I am writing this because I have personally observed that the higher up an organization the greater avoidance of personal conflict. This is a real paradox.

What I have found is that the more managers look for conflict, the more they will understand their people...what motivated them, what frustrates them, etc.

As a kid, I was a conflict causer...making my father's life miserable. I learned as an adult that what I was doing us using conflict to get attention. And, wow, what attention I got!  So avoiding conflict make it worse!

The value of seeking out where conflict occurs include:

n  It gets people to talk what is on their mind [what managers need to better understand]

n  It opens the door to finding out why the conflict exists

n  Once discovered, conflict allows us to shift blaming to one of "ownership" of a situation

Why do we miss conflict or dissatisfaction?

1.    Because we don't pay attention to changes in facial expressions or posture, and

2.    We have been conditioned to avoid it.

A former CEO of GM approached conflict  this way, "I propose we postpone discussion of this matter until our next meeting to give ourselves time to develop disagreement". Go foster debate!

FEEDBACK YOU NEED TO HEAR

Why would a bright successful executive not pick up cues as to why he was disconnected from his staff?

When David Green introduced me to Ruppert, his new CEO, I suspected something was wrong. Ruppert asked me to interview his staff to get a sense of the difficulties he was encountering, saying it was all about THEM!

The result?

Every person reported a big disconnect with Ruppert because he had his own way of doing things but not interested in his staff's point of view.

So I conducted the "new manager assimilation" process where the leader tells his staff how he wants things to be done.  Separately, his staff comes to consensus on what they need from their leader to be successful...which is reported back to the leader to prepare a response.

Result: Ruppert had come from a much larger company that had a very well defined and different way of doing things. He knew no other way.

His staff told him essentially that he must learn to please never again refer to that previous company and how things are done there.

The lesson learned was to better engage your staff to genuinely "hear" what is on their mind.  That is leadership that works!

ARE YOU AWARE OF YOUR BLIND SPOT?

"I know this might be a bit sensitive: Your team has observed a blind spot that is impacting the effectiveness of your leadership and causing lack of trust with your team.

I need to say this to many of my executive clients; people who are very confident but typically ignore feedback or do not seek it out.

 

Case in Point

Carol and Melissa are co-owners of a very successful and growing business. Melissa wants more money out the partnership being scared about her retirement savings.

Melissa is relentless and angry in finding ways to make more money at the firm.  No one wants to work for her. She angrily pushes to either fire their sales executive or reduce his compensation. With anger she is weak in negotiating!

As the friction increased I was brought in to cause "sanity" in this partnership by working with Melissa. We had a series of partner meetings so I could observe the dynamic.

But the solution was Carol's blind spot: never reacting or negotiating with Melissa enabled greater friction, volume and angry tones.  When she realized she was enabling Melissa's behavior this way, she found her voice and caused a much better relationship to occur and was successful in convincing Melissa of her only two options: either [1] be more collaborative or [2] have her partnership bought out.

Lesson: in dealing with conflict, first look at yourself as an enabler!

The 80/20 RULE IMPACTS YOUR BUSINESS

My wife taught me that women want to be heard and understood by men, not to have their problems necessarily fixed.

With management teams I coach, I see this as the 80/20 rule: Listening 80% of most conversations and talking only 20%. This has direct implications on running a business.

Case in Point

Jim Lynch, a CEO client was observed stopping his lengthy conversation when the other party started to nod their head.  He thought that meant there was agreement for his request. But he was stressed out  because many on his staff "agreed" to do important things and did not follow up.

So I had the other person meet with Jim and I so I could use the "nod" to expose both of them to this misunderstanding.  It happened - I interrupted Jim to call attention to the nod - and he shot back: "Hold a minute, Alan, I am not done talking here."

He was able to reverse the ratio to about 30% talking and 70% Listening...in about two weeks!

With clients and customers, listening so they feel understood, builds trust and meaningful relationships. After that, we gain the power to influence, suggest better ways to do things relevant to their individual needs, etc.

This ratio has implications for selling your product or services to how well your board can appropriately give advice.

TWO QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR 2013 BONUS

Is it clear to you how your 2013 bonus will be calculated or, how clear have you been with your staff on your method of calculation?

Is it clear what you have to do [ or your staff] to receive maximum bonus?

Improving Bonus Impact

1.    Have measurable expectations and goals tied to the bonus calculations

2.    Ask your people to drive the establishments of goals and expectations to create greater ownership and accountability

3.    Monthly, have your people review with you their progress in achieving established goals and expectations.  Ask what the barriers are to making further progress. Dialogue solutions.

There should be no surprises at bonus time as to how the award was determined!

CONFIDENTIAL [?] EMAIL

The CEO of a client took one of my messages and started a new thread to me and her colleague I was coaching. Just so happened that the message I had sent the CEO provided a summary on how to best engage that colleague.  Oops!

Beware of continuing threads that someone might actually go back and read in entirety!

The danger in this situation was that the colleague did not have the context and jumped to conclusions.  The context was a summary of  a conversation with the CEO on how to better engage her colleague. It had nothing to do with the colleague.

Incidentally, the colleague needs coaching around her tendency to jump to conclusions without investigating the facts.  Weak listener and one to monopolize conversations.

Lesson learned?  Talk to people live and never rely on digital communication when the subject matter is sensitive.

ARE YOU REALLY IN TOUCH WITH YOUR ORGANIZATION?

 

The Problem

 

Most of us believe we are accurately aware of how our organization works and what needs to change. However, your people's "perception" of you, your strategy, goals and what is most important to grow your company is the "reality" you must get in touch with.

 

How to be better informed

 

"Walk the floor"!  Sandy Tungare, Founder and CEO of Think Systems was never in his office until 10:00 AM each day. He was in at 7:00 AM getting the lay of the land, challenges needing his help and following up F2F with people at all levels.

 

By 10:00 AM he had his day's agenda established through these conversations. It is amazing how people were inspired to talk with him about any problems or failures they were experiencing...because he immediately got help! That was his job!

 

He used to rely exclusively on his managers but realized they filter the "bad" news to him and accentuate the positive.  No surprises, please!

 

To really be in touch, we just have to dig deeper to really know our people. Build deeper trust so your people will be more forthright. And have the discipline to listen 80% of every conversation. Active listening builds trust! With trust comes the truth.