DAVE'S PROBLEM AVOIDING CONFLICT

You may know Dave--he is challenged by one of his staff, Annie, who in meetings communicates an attitude of "I know better than [you, them, and others]".

Both are clients who over many months have not resolved this barrier to playing nice in the sand box.  And Dave's team is expecting him to step up to resolve.

Three steps that helped:

1. Dave learned to confront Annie (in private) immediately after this attitude was observed
2. He was direct; "I need you to stop taking strong positions on issues at the expense of other's views and opinions. Learn how to engage them and listen."
3. He asked for commitment: "Can you do this?  What should I do if it keeps happening?"

So why does avoidance of giving constructive feedback occur?  My clients tell me:

• Concern about escalation
• Not sure how to approach
• Giving up power
• Being vulnerable

When I observed a CEO client start this conversation, she started with praise and was abruptly interrupted by her staff member, "Are you accusing me of being a problem in working with you?"

Caught in the act of being passive aggressive causes distrust that takes a long time to repair.  Understand that people what to know where they stand so they can correct their behavior.

In my dealings with family run businesses, the avoidance of conflict is the same.  The only difference is who holds on to the power which, in turn, reduces trust.

CEO'S FEAR OF CONFLICT

Six of my current clients - CEOs down to Managing Directors - all present with avoidance of direct communication, especially when it comes to outlining "expectations" for each of their staff members.

When I get them to be more comfortable with that, the next challenge is having them provide feedback on the progress being made.

I am learning that top executives avoid these two leadership tasks because of fear of conflict. But most of the time the fear is unfounded as people really want to know what is expected of them and get feedback on how they are doing!

Yesterday I got Bob CEO together to talk about expectations with Joe Operations. A great dance occurred all around the two areas Bob wanted Joe to achieve in his management role. In the debrief Bob related how he "felt the temperature rising" and pointed out how this conversation led Joe to practically explode with defensiveness, "So you think I am a problem in this organization?"

What Bob needs to understand (in our next meeting) is that the trust of his team is eroded because of not being direct around expectations of each player on his staff. It's like the proverbial elephant in the room and Joe reacted accordingly!

Interesting paradox is noted: CEO avoids potential conflict but in so doing conflict is growing because of that avoidance. All managers can benefit from experiencing conflict because putting it on the table creates the right conversation that needs to occur...and creates the accountability for each party to step up to achieve expectations!

THE CHALLENGE OF GOING FROM BIG TO SMALL COMPANY CAREER CHANGE

Recently an executive at a private equity firm asked me about my experience with CEO's of mid-market companies who come from management positions of Fortune 500 size companies.

He related how the performance of such CEO's are consistently below his expectations - because of their outstanding success at GE, IBM, Goldman Sachs, etc. So what is the solution [besides lowering expectations]?

A sample of CEO's interviewed suggests we should pay attention to:

1. More targeted interviewing around "success factors" specific to what is required of leadership to achieve in the given company



2. Identification of potential weaknesses during the interview process - that can be a focus of future coaching when joining the new firm



3. A structured on-boarding process that helps the newly landed executive develop trusting relationships before invoking change initiatives; structured dialogue around style and expectations of both the new executive and his/her team



4. Focus on the skills to change the company's culture to better support execution of strategy



5. Frequent feedback around progress, not only of goal achievement, but of the leadership required to accelerate achievement
   

One of the biggest barriers to a leader's success that I have observed involves the PE operational executives who either turnover an executive too quickly (and repeat the same problems of hiring and on-boarding) or their pride prevents them from asking for help at the first sign of leadership weaknesses that impact business results.

Coaching can make a difference but my personal preference is to help create the systems and skills that result in better interviewing-selecting-assimilation.

GETTING AHEAD RELATIONSHIPS

There is no doubt that the majority of successful leaders have developed strong relationships throughout their organization - a skill that got them to "climb the ladder".

As I coach to a high potential manager just coming out of an extensive leadership development program, I need to remind myself that this skill is rarely understood. As my previous post states, 'It's all about them' to start a better relationship. She said, "But I need to sound genuine..."

Good point. One needs to genuinely care about what others do, why they are successful, how they got to where they are and their challenges. Any conversation that even hints of a motive to use another for political purpose simply does not work. That's a big challenge for eager, smart, impatient and passionate managers.

What does the "right" way sound like?

"Bob [two levels above], I keep hearing from your team that you are one of the best people in our organization to work for. I am dealing with a couple of management challenges that I would respect your insights in how to approach. Can we meet?"

This does not need start with a compliment.

"Mary, at the company-wide meeting yesterday, I sensed some frustration around how we are reacting to market pressures. Any advice on how I might step up with my group?"

THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT WAY TO INSPIRE OTHERS TO GREATER PERFORMANCE

The answer: start every conversation about them - not what you want them to do.

This is the first step in strengthening relationships which results in greater trust which results in people wanting to take action. Oh! That is called "motivation".

You might know Bill who has placed one of his key employees on notice for an attitude that interferes significantly with her being successful with her internal clients. Here is how he has started meetings about her performance: "You know how critical this is to your job security?" [Nice threat, Bill, but won't inspire her to change]. Attempt #2: "Tell me how you are making progress..." [Bill, you know she will tell you what she thinks you want to hear...'doing just fine']

Third meeting: Bill relates how as her manager, he simply does not understand why she comes across as she does - "what goes on in your head that causes you to be firm with people in a way that they feel you are not understanding them?"

Her eventual answer: "Throughout my career I have struggled with developing relationships with people who I feel know more than I, as a lawyer, do. I need to work on this and would appreciate your help."

So you want to inspire others to action? Make your conversations about them, get to know them better and build enough trust so that they want to tell what's really going on in their head when you challenge them. Then you can truly exercise leadership in helping them succeed.

ACCOUNTABILITY IGNORED

Earlier this year I designed and facilitated a management offsite meeting, focused on better balancing time between technical/business work and the actions of managing others.

But to my surprise [I should have known after 6 years working with this team], the focus became sharply defined as HOW TO CREATE ACCOUNTABILITY among both peers and direct reports as well as support functions. Examples of the problem included:

• How do we get IT to keep their commitments?
• How can we get everyone to keep deadlines without constant reminders?
• When people are stuck, what prevents them from asking for help?
• When establishing priorities, how can we keep people from going off on tangents?
• What do I do that creates a lack of accountability?

The short answer: create a culture of "owner mindsets" where people genuinely feel it is their job to support each other, to take initiative to discuss ways to improve business functions, to reach out to stakeholders of one's work so they are on the same team.

How do you know when their is a need to address accountability? A frequent one I observe is when a manager points the finger to others as the source of problems or why something has failed.

Another is represented by an executive I am coaching who can not add headcount so wants to increase productivity by moving work to other departments...rather than examine his own leadership in dealing with his own department.

Do you work in an environment of owner mindsets?

THE DREADED BONUS RITUAL

Yes! The suspense around the annual bonus drives me and others crazy. Will I even receive one this year and, if so, what will it be compared to last year (which was pretty bad).

I propose we throw out the current system - really a lack of a system that is based on the underlying priciples of why we have bonus payments in the first place; that is:

• To reward people for their achievements and contribution to company success


• To encourage best performers to not jump ship and to achieve even more next year


• Overall motivation to meet goals and expectations

The probem as I see it is the lack of connecting individual performance to the payout; secondly the discussion to assure achievement as expected might occur throughout the year but not connected to the "motivator" until the announcement of the bonus.

Oops! The latter is not true at all. When I have asked hundreds of managers how their bonus calculation related to what they achieved (or did not), I get the blank stare. Oh! Perhaps if there is any objective connection it is done at the year's end before rewards are finalized.

But if we are to truly retain top people, turn around weak performers and motivate all in achieving great things, why don't we plan and communicate both goals and expectations up front, in the beginning of the year - then keep the $$$ connected to performance updates through out the year? [I know...we can not promise the actual $$$ but the "score" can be tabulated]

Gee! In a good year, there is significant money on the table to just turn into another entitlement program.