CONFIDENTIAL [?] EMAIL

The CEO of a client took one of my messages and started a new thread to me and her colleague I was coaching. Just so happened that the message I had sent the CEO provided a summary on how to best engage that colleague.  Oops!

Beware of continuing threads that someone might actually go back and read in entirety!

The danger in this situation was that the colleague did not have the context and jumped to conclusions.  The context was a summary of  a conversation with the CEO on how to better engage her colleague. It had nothing to do with the colleague.

Incidentally, the colleague needs coaching around her tendency to jump to conclusions without investigating the facts.  Weak listener and one to monopolize conversations.

Lesson learned?  Talk to people live and never rely on digital communication when the subject matter is sensitive.

ARE YOU REALLY IN TOUCH WITH YOUR ORGANIZATION?

 

The Problem

 

Most of us believe we are accurately aware of how our organization works and what needs to change. However, your people's "perception" of you, your strategy, goals and what is most important to grow your company is the "reality" you must get in touch with.

 

How to be better informed

 

"Walk the floor"!  Sandy Tungare, Founder and CEO of Think Systems was never in his office until 10:00 AM each day. He was in at 7:00 AM getting the lay of the land, challenges needing his help and following up F2F with people at all levels.

 

By 10:00 AM he had his day's agenda established through these conversations. It is amazing how people were inspired to talk with him about any problems or failures they were experiencing...because he immediately got help! That was his job!

 

He used to rely exclusively on his managers but realized they filter the "bad" news to him and accentuate the positive.  No surprises, please!

 

To really be in touch, we just have to dig deeper to really know our people. Build deeper trust so your people will be more forthright. And have the discipline to listen 80% of every conversation. Active listening builds trust! With trust comes the truth.

EXECUTIVES WHO ENABLE CONFLICT

Avoiding or delaying resolution of conflict, enables  the counter party to continue the behaviors that are so annoying. By not confronting the other person, we are sending the message, "It is OK".

As the tension rises, the organization is distracted or discouraged and the executive involved begins to look weak for not addressing the conflict head-on.

 

Potential "helps":

n  When the conflict is occurring, state: "This is not working"

n  No response? Stand up to exit discussion, "Let's try this tomorrow morning at 8:00."

n  "I" statements stop defensiveness. "I need to find a way for us to get on the same page."

n  "Help me understand what is causing you to act this way?"  Active listen. Validate that you have heard what the other person is saying.

The sooner one confronts unacceptable behavior, the shorter it takes to resolve.  But be patient enough to give the other person time to buy-in and own their part of the relationship.

"NEED TO BE RIGHT" CAN KILL A COMPANY

Fred B., a friend of mine, told me this morning that he is thinking about leaving a startup he has worked for the last three years.

Seems the Founder is struggling with getting his staff motivated, hearing their ideas on how to grow, or allowing people to question his business model.

The Founder has a strong need to be right.

He does not see how he stymies creating ideas, good problem solving, or how his lack of being inclusive ["our company"] impacts performance.

He can be helped.  My experience is creating a safe dialogue that will allow these people to understand why this need exists.  Then we can deal with how to change this practice.

It is worth it, especially when a company is at risk!

GET RID OF "ENGAGEMENT'

Friends,

For those of you turned off by the word ENGAGEMENT, remember that the most important thing a manager needs to do is motivate her/his staff is developing a trusting relationship.

Not to "engage".  When I need to have greater trust with my wife, I don't ask her to "engage" with me.  She would think I am a consultant!

I call this relationship building [sometimes harder for men than women].

Here is an example from the Harvard Business Review, July 1, 2013
___________________________________________________

BUILD A STRONG RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR NEW BOSS

Don't stay away.  Even if she gives you a lot of freedom, resist the urge to take it. Gen on your manager's calendar regularly to communicate any issues you are facing and get her input.

Don't run down a checklist.  Assume she wants to focus on the most important things you are trying to do and how she can help. Focus on no more than three things in each meeting.

Clarify expectations early and often.  Check in regularly to make sure you fully understand her expectations.



EXPECTATIONS

As a manager, how well are your expectations understood by your employees?

At a recent manager's offsite retreat, I collaborated with one of the managers around how to develop "B" players to "A".  He did a great job around how we label people at times and in ways that are not constructive. How do we know if manager-employee goals are aligned?

So we took the risk and asked the managers at this meeting to write down the 3 most important things they wanted their employees [in attendance] to achieve by year's end.  We also asked these employees at the same time to write down the 3 most important things they understood their manager expected.

Voila! They pretty much matched. However, the group expressed that this was a very important exercise because it rarely happens throughout the year.  Yes, managers are best when they stay focused on top priorities and support their people to achieve goals ... through development, mentoring, coaching and simply having their people report on progress.

Managers left with the understanding that they need to encourage their people to report on their progress and to talk about barriers occurring or anticipated - not the other way around where the manager seeks to update progress.

Result? Each person better owns their goals and expectations.

LEADER AS PARENT

I just had a break through with a family owned business that has implications for all leaders.

With this client,  the CEO struggles with the challenge of how to deal with his son in his business so that he becomes more competent in an eventual leadership role.  What I have heard Father say is: "...how can we get Son to have a more organized desk...have a more professional looking haircut...not procrastinating to the last minute with his tax filings...get his new printer I bought him up and running?"

Son tells me what he needs most from Father is greater respect for his skills and experience - not the solutions to problems or directives on how to fix something. So my challenge is discovering how to make that happen.

With the last meeting with Father talking about how to simply listen better to Son, he has an Ah! Ha! He has come to the realization that this is extremely difficult because he still sees himself as the father, not the business person mentoring the development of an employee.

Reflecting on the leadership challenges presented to me in both public and privately held businesses, it seems that too may leaders take on that parenting role - one that communicates "I know better than you and you should respect that for your own success."  Or, "In making decisions I work hard to get input from my team, weigh it carefully, but in the end I make the final decision."

Sounds like the parent-child model to me.  And why not?  After all, most of us intimately know and have experienced that model in both being a child and/or in parenting our children. It is familiar and we are experts at deploying the family model.

The solution? Actions that have crept into the literature include "empowering others, teamwork, collaborating, etc."  But the first step is to STOP PARENTING.

My practice has developed a process to do that; it is difficult for the leader to do, takes persistence and new disciplines but progress can be tangible when the willingness to change is present.