THE PEOPLE WHO DO NOT LISTEN TO YOU

OK, the people I am referring to HEAR you as you speak, but are they really listening?

Case in point

A business acquaintance I have met several times before today's breakfast, is a great story teller with lots of experience in our trade.  He might be a good person to introduce me to clients.

After 20 minutes of talking about how good he is in listening, he said to me, "I don't know what you really do."

I could not believe he meant that.  But he did.

One year and four meetings later, I am at a quandary to know how to be heard better by people who have a need to speak but really not to "engage".  In fact, I would tend not to introduce him to my clients for that reason alone.

Reminds me of some of the executives I advise.

Any suggestions?

I DO NOT THINK YOU ARE HEARING ME!

After interviewing 8 managers yesterday about their most difficult people, virtually everyone was found expert in describing expectations..."I need these reports on time -or- isn't it logical we move forward on the sale of your business[?]."

But these managers were not having their expectations met...for a long time.

Why?

They may feel they are listening, but not to the extent the other person feels understood.  Without that you will be perceived as pushing your agenda as more important than their view.

How can we better get in someone else's shoes?  By asking questions...which will get us to the real problem[s] of why there is non-compliance.  Try "what" and "how" questions.

Sounds like, "what is going on to prevent you from meeting these deadlines?" Then really listen to the point where the other person feels heard!

Or..."help me better understand..."