You may know Dave--he is challenged by one of his staff, Annie, who in meetings communicates an attitude of "I know better than [you, them, and others]".
Both are clients who over many months have not resolved this barrier to playing nice in the sand box. And Dave's team is expecting him to step up to resolve.
Three steps that helped:
- Dave learned to confront Annie (in private) immediately after this attitude was observed
- He was direct; "I need you to stop taking strong positions on issues at the expense of other's views and opinions. Learn how to engage them and listen."
- He asked for commitment: "Can you do this? What should I do if it keeps happening?"
- Concern about escalation
- Not sure how to approach
- Giving up power
- Being vulnerable
When I observed a CEO client start this conversation, she started with praise and was abruptly interrupted by her staff member, "Are you accusing me of being a problem in working with you?"
Caught in the act of being passive aggressive causes distrust that takes a long time to repair. Understand that people what to know where they stand so they can correct their behavior.
In my dealings with family run businesses, the avoidance of conflict is the same. The only difference is who holds on to the power which, in turn, reduces trust.
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