THE DEFENSE HAS RESTED

You know I am not a defense attorney!  However I am a resource for helping top executives reduce their defensiveness that attempts to cover their weaknesses.

These executives are expert at avoiding conversations that may blow their cover...that is the defensiveness I am referring to.

Defensive Actions I have Observed

n  Control of meeting agendas to avoid potential topics less confident in dealing with.

n  Monopolize conversations so one is in greater control.

n  Blame others for causing conflict

Triggers

n  Recently hired to be Chairman, becomes a fire fighter to impress Board

n  Having never been Chairman, feels a lack of confidence

n  Changing the culture is risky and makes one feel vulnerable.

A key problem of being perfect at avoiding attention on management weaknesses is that others see the truth and become expert at avoiding constructive feedback.

What weaknesses are you covering up?

WHY YOUR BOSS DOES NOT HEAR YOU

Getting your ideas across to your boss is no different than how to influence a business owner who is on the fence to sell her business.

You talk, they hear you...and nothing moves forward.  Frustration

The problem is most likely when you keep the conversation going; and, you miss the cues from the other person.

So you may not know your boss or business owner well enough to influence them; and you conclude they don't understand you.

Example: I engaged a client by first hearing from his spouse.  We arranged lunch to determine a good fit with her husband.  It was 2 months before I found out that she hired me to help her husband.

Complex triangulation!

This reminded me of not only to stop talking but to use the powerful tool of silence, sitting back to be open to the other person to tell me more.

Of course this probably does not work well with your spouse!

BE AWARE: JULIA IS HAVING CONFLICT

Conflict I have observed within my client's organizations always involves different communication styles. Usually one person is outspoken and monopolizes conversations which impacts those more reserved.

And the outspoken person needs to be a better listener!

I am currently working with Bob [CEO], who has a "need to be right" when speaking with Julia. He is more experienced and proud of it [to the annoyance of his team]

Julia, as a result, feels unappreciated, misunderstood and isolated because of a lack of dialogue with Busy Bob.

When one person feels the other does not take the time to understand him/her, trust is weakened, conflict rises.

"Conflict management" is rarely the issue; more it is what people need to openly talk about that prevents conflict.

In Bob's case, his staff would work harder for him if he took the time to LISTEN!

WATCH OUT FOR THE FILTERS

Filters, a communication typically based on opinion, not fact.  I see these in [1] vertical hierarchy...how many layers from top to bottom, [2] personal opinions not based on fact, [3] parent/child relations.

Take the case of my client Xenox Enterprises.  The CEO [68] has hired mostly relatives for managerial roles because, she says, in the beginning [40 years ago], it was believed that relatives are more trusted.  Ha!

Today the CEO is totally stuck with less than competent relatives in management positions.  He will not terminate them [of course not family] nor coach them to reach expectations [does not know how].

The CEO has stated that one alternative is to sell the business; however he has never sought people who could at least determine Fair Market Value and has discounted the fact that no one would want to inherit a dysfunctional management team.

Solution?

We are making headway by getting agreement from the CEO to form a management team where he will not have any direct influence, but will be kept him informed. This eliminates the clash with the next generation in the business as well as the aunts, cousins and "close relatives", incent them to reach specific company goals and be more strategic to grow from a successful regional producer to at least develop customers east of the Mississippi.

You might consider this a "work around" but the CEO is finally hearing the news that without him in the business, it will fail.  It will succeed by empowering his younger team.

"The buck does not stop at the top!"

ARE YOU IMPORTANT?

I find most of the management I consult , including business owners, do not know how to influence people successfully.

This can lead to managing more by "authority" which makes people defensive...and the management frustrated.

If you want to influence others, you need to make them feel important.

That's it.

How?

Current clients are being taught about the 80/20 rule of conversations which turns the highly stressed [passionate?] to only occupy 20% or less of any conversation.

Monitor yourself to see where you are with this rule.

Need help on the "how"?  Give me a call. 203.454.3502

 

 

 

I AM TOO BUSY

All too often with my clients I observe how people react and feel when others say, "I am busy" or when they simply do not take the time to engage people.

And...this is what others hear when this happens:

ü  She sees me as less or unimportant

ü  It is always about him

ü  I feel marginalized

In family businesses this phenomena is exacerbated because of parent-child relations that overlays the business culture.

In professional firms I observe competitive cultures where people are not working on a level playing field because of a lack of being genuinely engaged. Genuine and trusting engagement starts first by talking!

TAKE THE TIME TO BE INCLUSIVE...and recognize when you are not!

MAURICE RESISTS REQUESTS

Totally stuck.

Potential to inherit Dad's company

Has talent but stuck in status quo

 

Approach

Patient listening to find out what is causing the stuckness,  that which has yet to be revealed

 

Who do you talk to when you feel stuck?  203.216.6232